Advice On Marriage Ceremonies

Please find below a letter from Rinpoche in response to an enquiry about ordained people marrying couples:

'Thank you very much your kind letter regarding Sangha marrying people.

How this started is that our Guru Lama Yeshe, who completed the study of all the 5 great scriptures, the 5 main subjects studied in Ganden, Drepung and Sera, who is a learned scholar, who completed all the subjects including Vinaya (all the pratimoksha vows), and who in reality inside is a yogi, who has not only the 3 Principal Aspects of the Path to Enlightenment, but also generation and the completion stage, clear light and the illusory body, highest tantric realizations, there are many facts and signs of Lama having these realizations, but who at the same time can act to the children like a child and for old people in that way, who fits all the different kinds of people. In Lama's skilful means and compassion he arranged pujas like Tara puja and so forth for the couple for their well-being (when they would request a marriage blessing).

Then Ven. Pende who started the Karuna Hospice in Brisbane, Australia, which is extremely successful, that people have very high value and regard and feel very fortunate to be taken care of by Karuna Hospice when they are dying. Somehow naturally he also started to do the marriage ceremonies for people, then also somehow naturally the nun, Ven. Namdag also started. So many Buddhist people requested for her to do the marriage ceremony, also you have to have a marriage license, which Pende and Namdag have.

My idea now is for the Sangha to perform Tara pujas, recite prayers (such as zangcho monlam, prayers of the Bodhisattva life stories and previous lives of the Buddha having practiced charity, morality and patience), make extensive offerings and dedicate the merits for the couples well being, and also for the other people who are attending the ceremony, who may not have heard dharma, and who are not Buddhist, so this may be one time opportunity for them to hear the Dharma, so in this way they make connection to Buddhism and hear explanation about the purpose to practice loving kindness, good heart to each other and for the new couples life together to be of benefit to others.

I didn't have the intention for Sangha to do marriage ceremonies, it just happened naturally and now after you brought up this issue, it has made me think. I think that our lay elder students now can perform the marriage ceremony (with the license) and then if the couple come to the center with all their relatives then the Sangha can perform pujas and prayers for their well being.

Also this is not the first time the couple have met, it is not the first time of bringing the couple together. So it is not like the Sangha person is putting these two people together to have a relationship, they already made the decision to be together, already have a connection and relationship.

So this is the information I want to inform you. I don't think it needs Sangha to perform marriage ceremonies, even though Buddhist people from their side do want them to, I think it is not necessary, instead I think Buddhist lay elder students can do it.

Sincerely,
Lama Zopa '

This article is taken from the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition (FPMT).